The PCOM returns!

So the PCOM returns.

It's a dark day at IIM Lucknow. All the students are terrified. What will happen to their future? Will they actually get placed? Without a placement, what will they do? Their entire life and indeed their very existence and future has come under question.

Amidst lightning and thunderclaps, a secret group meets, hidden somewhere in the labyrinths of the bureaucracy, they decide, they are not letting this happen. They won't let the future of the students be a question mark. They will ensure that every student will get a job. They will ensure that they themselves get a job.

They decided not to have any rules. They can anyways make one when they need. They decide to be anonymous. Their true identity might never be revealed. They can only be known as the PCOM. They would fight all evil at IIM L and swear themselves to the betterment of "all students" at IIM L. Speaking faster English than any other student at IIM it becomes their duty to talk to all company officials and restrain other students from doing so and destroying the reputation of the institution. The evil corporate becomes their greatest ally and the uncooperative student, their sworn enemy.

They have very sophisticated and advanced weapons, called fines and 'mandatory' rules to fight the uncooperative students. They also have a hoard of willing officials at their disposal in their quest to 'place the whole batch'. From that day onwards, the PCOM has been fighting a solitary battle. Outnumbered hugely, but braving all odds, they have till now always succeeded against the uncooperative students.


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It seems that my little blog has generated much interest. Though the huge majority of reactions has been in support of the views expressed in my blog, I don't think there were many who agreed with each word of the blog.

To me, the most interesting ones have been the anonymous comments and the ones sent over messenger rather than on the comments section. Many were afraid of the reprisal they might receive from the mighty PCOM if they publicly endorse my views. The others were simply pissed off with my blog. And wanted to piss me off by being anonymous. I do not generally believe in stupid clarifications. They give the stupid comments a stupid dignity that they don't deserve. But for the benefit of some uninitiated people and a few troubled souls, here goes -

• I was never in PCOM. I guess I never could be. My English is not that good. And I do not possess the sincerity levels that the committee demands. But above all is my desire to live. Hell, they kill people in there.
• Yes, we are educated. I mean the IIM Lucknovites. And whatever we might have lacked before coming here, we are trying to fill in on that as well.
• I agree absolutely with Anonymous(1) that

  "its to easy to crib from outside instead of adding some value to the system.....every system has some negatives.....and its very easy to highlight them"

  I also agree that I never

  "tried to think of any possible ways by which these negatives can be done away with"

  For the simple reason that I would like to consider myself a rational person. And knowing how the PCOM and the institute operates, I don't see the ways that I think up being possible.
• Let me make it make it very clear - to the anonymous PCOM member, especially- DO NOT be under the impression that the PCOM places anybody. They are just a tiny part of a huge system that facilitates the process. They couldn't place themselves, if it came to that, leave alone the 'whole batch'. Without the system they are nothing. So, don't take undue credit. Yes you people do work your asses off. But who asked you to join? Don't give me the shit, that you are in there for my benefit, or for that matter anyone else's except yours. It is not exactly a secret why you joined the PCOM, right?
  
• Anonymous(5):

  "Dude. Just one suggestion. If u get a chance do try and find out what Pcom actuall does and why."

  (actuall is a real word?) I had my chance. Sorry dude. Couldn't find out the why part. You are in PCOM, can you tell me the why? Oh, of course you would have given me the why part if you knew. With so much spite you hardly hold back anything.
• I think by the time my placements come, the PCOM will think up a rule to disallow me. Maybe blogging isn't allowed or something. But yes, if I can, then I won't sit in the placement process.
  
• A special note to my anonymous PCOM friend an Open challenge can be Anonymous? Of course, we are talking about the PCOM here. They can do anything. (and yes I really do love my lollipop)
  
• I thank you dear PCOM member for having so elegantly shown me the way the way to start off with "respected", and end up with "you moron". That was quite skillfully executed. Only PCOM.
  
• Anonymous(5)

  "As for the controls team.. forget it. Its beyond your retarded brain."

  See that's what I am talking about. Only the PCOM have able enough brains for all things which require more intelligence than reading the paper.
  

I am only an aam aadmi, pained with the system. The ways I can think up of by which my pain can be relieved are not accepted by the mighty PCOM. So I give vent to my ire through this blog.

But I am no revolutionary, bent on improving the standards of PCOM. No, I will suffer and pass out, hopefully with a job in hand. But I will not do that silently. I will tell them they are not good. And I will remind them of my pain, for I am the uncooperative student, their nemesis. I am not cowardly enough to be anonymous, but nor do I have enough bank balance or courage to fight the PCOM head on. I will put my name to whatever I have to say and do, and I will say and do it without fear or guilt.

The curious thing called the PCom

The Curious thing called Committee

The wikipedia definition for a committee is as follows:
A committee comprises a mechanism of bureaucracy or of proto-bureaucracy whereby a limited number of people receive delegated functions of government or administration.

Quite apt, I must say. Now, all I see the committees do, is give some arbitrary power to some arbitrary people, over some specific business. Now most committees are arbitrarily selected with the selection procedure made to look like some method. But rarely is there any method.

The PCom
There are hoards of committees here at IIM L. Now committees have a single purpose here. They are there so that everyone has something to write in their CVs. But one committee called the Placement Committee (or PCom for Lucknowvites) is quite different. It doesn't recruit people just for the sake of enhancing their CVs. It strives hard to have the best possible placement for all the students. When I say all the students, of course the PCom have their own definition of all the students. It acts for the best interests of these all students.

Now the placement process here at IIM L is quite different from what we have seen at the IITs. At the IITs, we have the process wholly run by officials and a few faculty members. There are at best some representatives from the student community in the placement process. Now here at IIM L the whole process is entirely (?) managed by the students. I am told, thats the norm across the IIMs.

The PCom People
The recruitment process for the PCom is quite fascinating as well. It's quite simple too. They try to kill you. If you survive, you are in. If more candidates survive than what they require, then they simply do a physical test to identify the people who made it thus far being the least sick among the lot. And take them to the Taj, or some such place, to give them their last good, full meal, before starting afresh on trying to kill them.

There are a few basic rules for the PCom people. They are required to adhere to these rules at all times.

• Do not smile. Laughing is absolutely out of the question.
• Treat all batch mates as you would treat the office peon when you are the CEO of a company.
  
• You should be able to think up rules on the spot.
  
• Always sleep in the class. If you find it difficult to sleep, then at least lie down on two seats and talk on the phone. If you have slept for 10 hours and have called all the people in your phone book, then you can argue with the teacher on some silly point.

There are also a few privileges granted to the PCom member by divine authority.

• They can fine anyone as they please.
  
• They can call anybody to any duty as they please.
  
• They can start as late as they please.
• They can do anything.

And of course, sorry for my oversight in failing to mention that, all this is done in the best interests of the batch and the institute.

Then there are few rules for the lesser mortal - the ordinary students - the aam aadmi.

• Never ever question the wisdom of the PCom or their methods.
  
• Silently, do whatever you are told to do.
• Pay up fines when asked to. Do not question why.
• The PCom cannot commit mistakes, so don't ever suggest something which might remotely hint at that.
• Placements are the most important thing during your stay at IIM, so don't mess with the PCom guys ever.
  
• If you see a PCom guy in the corridor, make way.

The Curious incidents involving the PCom

The PPT
The Pcom people have a few processes through which they take care of the placements of the entire batch. First up are the PPTs - Pre-Placement Talks, for the uninitiated. They are a marvelous ritual at the IIMs. The stated purpose of the PPT is to put innocent students compulsorily to sleep. As a by-process they also happen to let the students know more about companies and industries. All knowledge is compulsory. I mean, whether you need that info or not, is irrelevant. What is relevant is that the company has deigned to dispense that info. And the PCom people, in their infinite wisdom, have chosen you to be the receptor of that info. And that's all that's relevant. Did I hear you ask , " And what about the innocent student?" Oh forget it, what does he know?

The PPTs might occassionally be an attractive affair for the aam aadmi after all. Some companies, in an unusual gesture of kindness decide to gift something that is no longer required at the corporate headquarters. If it pleases the PCom then some students are allowed a gift. There have been incidents when the PCom people, in an unusually kind mood allowed people access to Pepsi bottles during the Pepsi PPT. But yes, of course don't imagine they would let the aam aadmi get spoilt with too much of Pepsi.

The Controls Team
The PCom select a bunch of people called the controls team. They are in charge of the placement process. Don't mistake me. They are in charge of handling the lesser mortals - the aam aadmi. Of course the PCom are in charge of the whole thing. That's why they pick the whole bunch consisting the controls team very carefully.

Nothing is random with the PCom. They put a lot of thought, even to the most inconsequential detail. The controls team is selected after careful searching for two months. Now the aam aadmi who is selected for the controls team is naturally exalted. If the PCom he is worthy of something, well he might be a star for all he knows. For the PCom to have recognized your potential means you have almost got a job. And that's why we are here at IIM L, aren't we? I am not suggesting the PCom pick their friends for the controls team. Frankly, I don't think that's possible. The PCom don't have friends. So how can they pick friends?

The PCom then tries to kill the bright and better students that do get selected for the controls team. I don't know why exactly this happens. Maybe the PCom want to eliminate the only people they perceive as their competition. Or maybe they want to take revenge on the whole mankind for what was meted out to them. But that's what they do.

The Liaison Team
The Liaison team are selected next. I told you, nothing is random with the PCom. So they assess the talents of around 240 people. And with their infinite wisdom they assign a certain role to each of the student that(yes, we don't usually use the word who for a student when we are talking about the PCom. It's too personal) are lucky enough to be picked as a liaison.
There are three kinds of members in each of the liaison teams:

• The company liaisons: usually a lady and a gent. Their responsibility is a little less than that of a receptionist.
• The Controls Liaison: A gent. His responsibility is a little more than that of an errand boy.
• The Ops liaison: A gent. His responsibility is a little less than that of a peon.
  

The liaisons are given all sorts of gyan about etiquette, talking, groveling, bowing and curtsying before the company representatives who come for the placement process. Of course the PCom give this gyan. They have perfected this art over the years, and therefore are the best people.

The Others
Then there are the other teams. The systems and the Operations team. They are also secretly selected by the PCom. Of course the process has to be a secret. Otherwise people might try to break in. And of course, only the PCom have the wisdom necessary to judge who can work best in which position.
Naturally, some worthless students are left out and in no team. The PCom decides who deserves to sit out and who deserves to work. Of course the aam aadmi has got nothing to do with it. What does (s)he know? And of course, one guy who has some work and needs to out of the process can't swap with another undeserving student. These things are not random, remember?

Reminds me of this quote from Henry Kissinger, the erstwhile Secretary of State of the USA and a Nobel peace laureate.

"The issues are much too important for the Chilean voters to be left to decide for themselves."
"I don't see why we need to stand by and watch a country go communist due to the irresponsibility of its people."

Henry Kissinger commenting on Chile, prior to Augusto Pinochet's U.S.-supported / CIA-facilitated military coup against Chile's democratically-elected President Salvador Allende